update.

i am so unbelievably grateful that God is unchanging. when everything else around me is constantly changing, even my own emotions, i have His unchanging character to cling to. lately, i feel like i have been overwhelmed with decisions. decisions, decisions, decisions. about next semester, about next summer, about graduation, about after graduation, etc. etc.

one of the biggest decisions that i have made since being back at school is my future career path. i’m still a psychology major, and i’m happy about that, but i’ve decided to go to nursing school after graduation. a little bit of a change? yes. but i finally feel SO happy knowing and pursuing what i want to be doing. now let’s just see if i can make it through all these science courses…

another change that has happened this semester is that i started going to a new church. Orangecrest Community. and i love it. i love it because it actually feels like a community, it’s not just in the title. it’s fairly small, and i love being in a place where i am growing together with other believers. i feel like there are so many wonderful, mature, wise men and women that i can learn so much from. i finally found a church… ahh : )

 

 

resurrection.

res·ur·rec·tion

// (rz-rkshn) noun.

1. The act of rising from the dead or returning to life.

2. The state of one who has returned to life.

3. The act of bringing back to practice, notice, or use; revival.

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resurrection turns brokenness into wholeness
resurrection turns war into peace
resurrection turns illness into health
resurrection turns random into meaningful
resurrection turns injustice and suffering into justice and joy
resurrection turns rejection into acceptance
resurrection turns hate and fear into love
resurrection turns incompleteness into completeness.

i have faith to believe resurrection will happen where people live in poverty
i have faith to believe resurrection will happen in prisons
i have faith to believe resurrection will happen in the church
i have faith to believe resurrection will happen in my city
i have faith to believe resurrection will happen in the Philippines, in Haiti, in India, in America
i have faith to believe resurrection will happen right here, right now

 

seven months later.

i had no idea how wonderfully, beautifully, difficult
it would be
to be a vessel;
to be poured out like wine;
to be an empty, fragile jar of clay.
it was obviously not me -
for i am selfish and desire to be
full,
strong,
confident in myself…
when all He asked was for me to be willing
and humble,
to be poured out:

to be His vessel.

 

blessed.

i am blessed. that fact has been hitting me hard these past few weeks as i have been back at school. i am just so grateful to be at a place where i can equip myself for a life of service and where i can learn to be a disciple of Christ. there are so many opportunities to get involved, to learn more, and to serve. i’m so glad that i’m becoming more involved this year.

i attend an amazing school. my friends and i have seriously just been in awe this year at how we see God working on our campus. i am blessed and encouraged to be around so many others who are striving to know Christ, to love Him, and to serve Him.

and like my parents always say… “you are blessed to be a blessing.” so true. God has given me this amazing opportunity to grow and to learn and to prepare myself for a life of service. He expects me to give back from what He has given me.

i like the way Francis Chan puts it: “how ludicrous is it to hold on to the abundance God has given us and merely repeat the words ‘thank you’?” He requires action.

 

presence.

i’ve been meaning to post this blog for quite some time. i read a book called God’s Smuggler while i was in the Philippines and it was probably one of the best books i’ve ever read. it was a great example of what it means to be a missionary & to truly follow and trust in God.

one of my favorite quotes from the book is this:

“‘I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me… I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’ Matthew 25:35-36, 40. Don’t you see… you cannot provide drink or clothes, or visit the sick and imprisoned, unless you are there.

the call is simply to be there.”

it’s a really simple statement, and a really simple concept… but for some reason that impacted me so much. i think i [and a lot of others in the church] have this preconceived idea of what it means and looks like to be a missionary and that all of these special skills are required. but honestly, presence is enough to change lives sometimes. you don’t have to be an incredible speaker, be super intelligent about the Bible, play a musical instrument, or be a doctor in order to be a missionary. you simply have to be willing to BE THERE.

if you just take the step of being there, God will use you. giving somebody something to eat…giving them clothes…visiting them in prison…looking after them when they are sick…these things don’t require great skills, they require simply being present. listening, encouraging, giving of your time, attention, and affection. sometimes those things are the greatest testimony & more meaningful then running a program.

God commands us to “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations….” He doesn’t say “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations IF you speak the language, play guitar, or having a degree in teaching.” He simply says to GO. BE THERE.

 

twitter.

because myspace, facebook, and blogspot.com just weren’t enough. no no, i want everyone to know exactly what i’m doing every second of every day.

if i ever even THINK about starting twitter… someone please just slap me in the face. you have my full permission.

twitter: the stalker’s dream.

 

the good stuff.

* drinking coffee out of big mugs. or anything out of big mugs, for that matter. it just makes it better.

* picking the longest line at the grocery store so that i can read the magazines and not buy them.

* browsing flickr.com.

* barnes and noble now has complimentary wifi. yessss!

* again, Cost Plus World Market. someday i will buy everything from that place. someday.

* memoirs about people with crazy scary psychological problems. (note to self: don’t read these late at night.)

* pandora radio. saves me from spending loads of money on iTunes.

* dresses. v-necks. sandals. big earrings. : D

* catching up with old friends for hours.

more to come…. : D

 

july 28.

ok.

 

faith?

“To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what a day may bring.” -Oswald Chambers.

i think that quote is a really good definition of what faith is. but then it makes me wonder…am i truly living by faith?

in the philippines, so many people are truly living by faith. not knowing what the future holds at all, not even know what will happen tomorrow. not knowing if they will have food, or a few pesos, or a place to sleep. others are sure that their most basic needs will be met, but are unsure of how they will pay the monthly rent, how they will pay for their child’s schooling, etc. they have to rely on God daily…hourly…to provide for them and their needs. they must constantly be in prayer.

in the U.S., at my church and my school especially, i feel like we are very obsessed with being “certain.” we have back-up plans. savings accounts. plus an emergency savings account. we construct our lives in such a way that we don’t ever really need to rely on God. we have everything we need…we’re secure. we’re comfortable.

could that possibly be why so many Christians, it seems, are lukewarm? they claim to be a Christian, they go to church on Sunday, they give 10% to the church, and a little bit more at Christmastime. God is just more of a nice thought…a get-out-of-hell-free card.

God has turned into our back-up plan.

if the lives that we have so carefully built and protected should be shattered by something really, REALLY big and devastating, something that we didn’t prepare for… well, then God comes into play.

……hindi ko alam, i don’t know, just something to think about i guess.

p.s. since i didn’t go on this trip with a team, i don’t really have anyone to “debrief” with because i experienced everything alone….so sorry if i use this blog to get all of my thoughts out! : )

 

home.

it’s good to be home. it’s good to see people that i have been missing for 2 months. it’s good to catch up. it’s good to have a bed. and hot water. it’s good to go a few days without eating rice. : )

however, i am missing my second home in the philippines terribly. i miss my neighborhood, seeing people that i know on the streets, the sunsets, my roommate, my church, the youth that i worked with. i miss them all. i’m used to being surrounded by filipinos for most of my days…it’s weird to come home and be alone.

i hope and pray that my two months there will not just be an amazing memory…but that i would live differently because of the things that i saw, the stories i heard, the people i met, and the things that i learned. i learned a lot. i learned about poverty, about faith, about patience, about God’s heart, about discipling, about myself, and about love. love is a really simple thing, i don’t know why western culture has to complicate it with standards and stereotypes and other things.

i felt very loved there. my youth, the people at church, people that i met….love me because…they just do. and i loved them for the same reason. i love them sooo much. because God loves them, not because of who they are, what they have done, what they will do, or what they can offer me. i think they gave me a dose of the kind of love God has for us.